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Sunday, January 31, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
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Dear Unknown Friend:
This is my love letter to you my unknown friend. I respect your views and I deeply understand them, for I too believed such theology. I can choose to have a theological discussion here with you today regarding homosexuality; however,there are many theological debates regarding a variety of topics that will never be put to rest and 100% agreed upon (from the way women wear their hair to tattoos). Theological debate on numerous topics have been discussed in the church even before the day Martin Luther nailed his thesis to the church doors which sparked the reformation (highly controversial at the time, yet has shaped Christian thought and practice since). So, I choose to write to you in peace and ove and share with you my personal journey.
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Gay Anniversary Cards and Same Sex Marriage Greeting Cards
A Little To The Left offers gay friendly cards that are tasteful, subtle and elegant enough that anyone would feel comfortable signing their name on them. We like to think of them as being “gay friendly – mother approved”. Visit A little to the left - A percentage of sales goes to PFLAG San Diego, buy a card today!
Rainbow Nazarene
Reprinted by permission
I grew up in Nazarene churches. My Dad was an ordained elder in the church when I was born. My brother and I were in church every time the doors were open ~ twice on Sundays, Wednesday night prayer meetings, and a week of revival services each Spring and Fall. We were told in no uncertain terms that we were to behave at all times, because someone might be watching us. We were to set a good example for the church members. After all, if the pastor's kids could do something, that must mean that it was okay for everyone else. This put a lot of pressure on us to be "perfect."
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I grew up in Nazarene churches. My Dad was an ordained elder in the church when I was born. My brother and I were in church every time the doors were open ~ twice on Sundays, Wednesday night prayer meetings, and a week of revival services each Spring and Fall. We were told in no uncertain terms that we were to behave at all times, because someone might be watching us. We were to set a good example for the church members. After all, if the pastor's kids could do something, that must mean that it was okay for everyone else. This put a lot of pressure on us to be "perfect."
read more
A Mothers Heart (Spanish Version)
By Patti
Hola, me llamo Patti y uno de mis hijos es Gay. Escribo esta para que sepan de donde vengo, que clase de persona soy y donde esta mi corazón, esperando cambiar actitudes y corazones.
Mi Madre nació en la ciudad de México y mi Padre en Argentina (de padre Norte Americano) mi Padre fue diplomático Americano y viajamos de niños por todo el mundo. Yo nací en Tailandia. Conocí a mi esposo de 33 anos en Calexico California. Los dos estábamos registrados como republicanos con ideas muy conservadoras y arraigados a la iglesia Católica.
Tengo dos hijos, Erik (31) esta casado es Bioquímico y esta estudiando una segunda carrera de Farmacéutico y su esposa Dawn también en su segunda carrera de veterinaria. Mi hijo Danny (25) se graduó con licenciatura de Arte Teatral, y esta carta es acerca de el.
Cuando Danny era muy pequeño notamos diferencias en el que nos preocupaban un poco, teníamos tan poca información acerca de personas homosexuales y por estar tan arraigados a la Iglesia Católica pensábamos que eso era algo malo, y que las personas escogían ser así. Por lo mismo siempre compramos juegos para niños y nos asegurábamos que no tuviera nada que pudiera ser de niña. Mi Esposo y yo hablamos algunas veces de la posibilidad de que Danny fuera “gay”, y sabíamos que no habíamos hecho nada para influenciarlo, lo metimos en clases de Karate y fútbol (no le gustaba mucho el deporte).
Empezó a interesarse en la escuela en cantar y actuar, gracias a una maestra encontramos un grupo de teatro infantil Cristiano, y actuó en docenas de obras, era como una segunda familia para el, estaba feliz actuando, nadie lo juzgaba y tenia muchos amigos y amigas de todas las edades.
A los 13 anos lo tuvimos que sacar de la escuela publica, algunos alumnos empezaron a molestarlo y lo pusimos en escuela Católica, le encanto y volvió a ser el mismo de siempre, jugando y payaseando con sus compañeros. Al comenzar la preparatoria volvió a la escuela pública, pues había un programa de música en el cual entraban nada mas los alumnos que tenian talento en baile y canto, competían por todo el estado y viajaban por varios países. Yo chaperoneaba todos los conciertos y viaje con el grupo los 4 años, me di cuenta de lo feliz que estaba siendo parte de esta familia de 44 talentosos muchachos y muchachas.
Cuando tenia 15-16 años mi esposo le pregunto si era “gay” pues no había tenido más que una novia. El lo negó y salio corriendo de la casa, mi esposo salio corriendo detrás de el y lo calmo. Poco antes de esto el empezó a familiarizarse con una Iglesia Cristiana (Bautista), y acabo trayéndonos a mi esposo y a mi también, fuimos bautizados de nuevo por esta Iglesia a la cual no volvimos a ir cuando hable con el pastor de mi hijo y saber las creencias tan poco llenas de amor y tan cerradas.
Al terminar la prepa Danny quería ir a una universidad Cristiana, pero lo mandamos a San Diego State University (lo queríamos cerca), odio la universidad de San Diego y nos convenció de mandarlo a Los Ángeles a Azusa Pacific University de la cual se graduó.
Hace más o menos dos anos que nos dijo oficialmente que si era “gay”. Después de hablar con el se me cayo el mundo, sentí el peso de el mundo entero encima y no podía ni respirar. Mi mundo se había acabado, no saben que tan mal me sentí, una tristeza gigante me envolvía y no podía dejar de llorar. No entendía por que me sentía asi, si ya habíamos pensado que era gay, yo sabia que el no había escogido ser gay y que lucho muchísimo contra esto. El nos dijo que se sentía tan bien después de habernos dicho este secreto tan grande que había tenido encerrado por tantos años, se sentía liviano y feliz. Nosotros respondimos con amor y cariño y respaldándolo. Es nuestro hijo, no ha cambiado sigue siendo el mismo.
Yo no quería que el supiera lo mal que me sentía, yo sabia que me tenia que acostumbrar a la idea. Lo primero que me preocupo fue su seguridad en este mundo que tiene tanta violencia en nombre de “Dios” contra personas buenas e inocentes. Tuve miedo por el sida, me sentía triste por que no iba a tener nietos de el y que el no podría casarse legalmente.
Fui a terapia en la cual solo lloraba, lloraba en el baño, en la oficina, en la regadera, tratando de esconder mi tristeza. La terapista me dijo que tenia derecho a estar triste, pues yo me sentía culpable de estar triste,y que era natural el sentimiento pues era como una muerte, como si mi hijo se hubiera muerto, porque MIS sueños para el murieron.
Mis sueños para el eran los que tiene toda madre, en el cual se casan los hijos y nos dan nietos, etc. Pero todo esto cambio y ya no éramos parte de las familias “normales” en América, éramos considerados diferentes, que hicimos para que nuestro hijo fuera así, los chistes de mal gusto y las burlas que están siempre en boca de todos contra los gay (quizás sin pensarlo).
Poco a poco, hablando con todo mundo de mi hijo (practicaba la palabra gay con extraños) y nunca le escondí a mis amistades desde el principio que mi hijo Danny era gay. Mis amigas me llevaron a un grupo que se llama PFLAG (familiares y amigos de lesbianas, gay, bisexuales y transgenders), gracias a las juntas cada mes con este grupo, los libros y las películas que me dedique a ver mi vida empezó a cambiar y soy feliz de nuevo. Les recomiendo los documentarios “For the Bible tells me so” y “Anyone and Everyone”, las dos dan entrevistas a todo tipo de familias de diferentes nacionalidades religiones y clases sociales. Y yo que me sentía tan sola, pensaba exactamente como ellos.
Esto me inspiro y me dio una razón para pelear por los derechos de mi hijo y los demás que no tengan padres que estén de acuerdo con ellos, muchos, por las ideas de las iglesias echan a sus hijos a la calle y muchos hijos se suicidan por no poder tener el amor de sus padres. El pastor de la iglesia a la cual ya no voy me dijo que mi hijo podía ser gay cuando y mientras no tuviera nunca una relación de pareja.
Yo no me imaginaba una vida llena de soledad para mi Danny y los demás. Yo se que Jesús predicaba el amor, el perdón, el no juzgar y la humildad. Las reglas en las cuales condenan a los homosexuales las iglesias fundamentalistas no cabían en mi entendimiento, Dios hizo a mi hijo Danny y lo quiere. Entendí que la Biblia se escribió hace miles de años en otro país y muchas de las cosas que eran prohibidas, fueron prohibidas por las costumbres de el país, el siglo en que se escribieron (cuando la mujer era tratada de otra manera) y la interpretación que cada país tiene es muy diferente y no puede ser universal. En España se habla un español muy diferente al de México o al de Centro América o Sudamérica, la misma palabra tiene diferentes traducciones.
Yo no iba a estar de acuerdo a servir a un Dios que tuviera una Iglesia que interpretara su palabra tan limitada y chica como la de la mayoría de las Iglesias fundamentalistas. Me di cuenta que el Dios que yo quiero servir es el verdadero que incluye a todos, no solo a los pocos, pero todos nosotros que somos imperfectos…la raza humana.
Yo se que los valores humanos de mi hijo no han cambiado, el a tenido como maestros a nuestras familias, mis padres estuvieron casados 52 anos, nosotros 32 y el quiere ese tipo de relación. Me da tristeza que no estamos en un mundo que acepte a mi hijo caminado de la mano de quien vaya a ser su pareja en el futuro, que es posible que algo así le cree violencia personal, y eso es por lo que lucho para cambiar corazones y mentes.
Le dije a mi Papa acerca de su nieto Danny antes de que muriera, y me alegro de haberlo hecho, no sabia como iba a reaccionar, pero reacciono con mucho cariño y aceptación igual que mi Mama. En mi familia la hermana de mi Abuelo en México (en los 20’s) era lesbiana y tuvo una relación con su pareja hasta que murió (no hay tantas parejas que duren tanto), también de el lado de mi Papa tengo un primo de mi edad que es un Arquitecto en Long Beach y esta en relación con su pareja desde hace muchos anos, su primera pareja murió.
Estoy convencida que hay una explicación genética y hormonal de la cual se habla en el documentario “For the Bible tells me so”.
Hasta en el reino animal hay homosexuales, hay un cuento de niños que es verídico acerca de unos pingüinos en el zoológico de Nueva York, se llama “And Tango makes three” escrito por Justin Richardson and Meter Parnell. Nuestra sociedad tiene que progresar y llegar a la realización de que tenemos que amarnos y aceptarnos a todos sin juzgar, ojala que las familias enseñen a sus hijos desde pequeños que no es malo ser gay, que algunos niños van a tener dos Padres o dos Madres y no hacer sufrir a las familias de parejas o familiares que son gay.
Ahora, no todos por ser gay son buena o mala persona, no todos por ser Cristianos, Ateos, o cualquier otra religión son buenos o malos, ser gay es como tener los ojos azules, o el pelo chino, ser alto o bajo, es algo que no tiene que ver con el carácter y los valores de las personas.
Todo ser humano merece toda la felicidad que este para quien quiera, y estoy agradecida que mi hijo sea gay, pues de esa manera yo me he podido convertir en mejor persona y dejar de juzgar a mi prójimo. Todos conocemos a alguien que es gay, lesbiana, bisexual o transgender, pueden ser tus hijos, sobrinos, hermanos, tíos, padres o abuelos…muchos están escondidos y no han salido al público por miedo, muchos nunca saldrán y otros se suicidaran, seamos todos mas como Jesús y amemos a nuestro prójimo sin juzgar o esperar algo de vuelta.
Cuando el presidente Obama fue elegido parte de el sueno de igualdad de Martin Luther King se hizo realidad, pero seguimos peleando y trabajando juntos para completar “mi sueno”, un sueno en el cual la gente no va a maltratar o burlarse de alguien por ser gay (LGBT) o diferente a ellos, cuando se puedan casar las parejas LGBT y tener los mismos derechos que las parejas heterosexuales sin que las Iglesias llenas de susodichos Cristianos peleen con tanto odio contra estos derechos. Sueno con el dia en que parejas LGBT puedan andar de la mano sin que otros se los reprochen o los insulten o hasta los ataquen. Sueno con el dia en que de verdad se haga lo que dijo Jesús y podamos amarnos unos a otros sin juzgar. Sueno con el dia en que en las escuelas tengan ensenanzas positivas de parejas LGBT para que los ninos los vean como ejemplo bueno sin tener que pensar que es algo malo ser diferente.
Ese tiempo no ha llegado, pero soy optimista y pienso que estamos avanzando y pronto sera el dia en que este sueno sea realidad para todos nosotros.
Con Mucho cariño,
Patti
Una Mama mas de PFLAG
Hola, me llamo Patti y uno de mis hijos es Gay. Escribo esta para que sepan de donde vengo, que clase de persona soy y donde esta mi corazón, esperando cambiar actitudes y corazones.
Mi Madre nació en la ciudad de México y mi Padre en Argentina (de padre Norte Americano) mi Padre fue diplomático Americano y viajamos de niños por todo el mundo. Yo nací en Tailandia. Conocí a mi esposo de 33 anos en Calexico California. Los dos estábamos registrados como republicanos con ideas muy conservadoras y arraigados a la iglesia Católica.
Tengo dos hijos, Erik (31) esta casado es Bioquímico y esta estudiando una segunda carrera de Farmacéutico y su esposa Dawn también en su segunda carrera de veterinaria. Mi hijo Danny (25) se graduó con licenciatura de Arte Teatral, y esta carta es acerca de el.
Cuando Danny era muy pequeño notamos diferencias en el que nos preocupaban un poco, teníamos tan poca información acerca de personas homosexuales y por estar tan arraigados a la Iglesia Católica pensábamos que eso era algo malo, y que las personas escogían ser así. Por lo mismo siempre compramos juegos para niños y nos asegurábamos que no tuviera nada que pudiera ser de niña. Mi Esposo y yo hablamos algunas veces de la posibilidad de que Danny fuera “gay”, y sabíamos que no habíamos hecho nada para influenciarlo, lo metimos en clases de Karate y fútbol (no le gustaba mucho el deporte).
Empezó a interesarse en la escuela en cantar y actuar, gracias a una maestra encontramos un grupo de teatro infantil Cristiano, y actuó en docenas de obras, era como una segunda familia para el, estaba feliz actuando, nadie lo juzgaba y tenia muchos amigos y amigas de todas las edades.
A los 13 anos lo tuvimos que sacar de la escuela publica, algunos alumnos empezaron a molestarlo y lo pusimos en escuela Católica, le encanto y volvió a ser el mismo de siempre, jugando y payaseando con sus compañeros. Al comenzar la preparatoria volvió a la escuela pública, pues había un programa de música en el cual entraban nada mas los alumnos que tenian talento en baile y canto, competían por todo el estado y viajaban por varios países. Yo chaperoneaba todos los conciertos y viaje con el grupo los 4 años, me di cuenta de lo feliz que estaba siendo parte de esta familia de 44 talentosos muchachos y muchachas.
Cuando tenia 15-16 años mi esposo le pregunto si era “gay” pues no había tenido más que una novia. El lo negó y salio corriendo de la casa, mi esposo salio corriendo detrás de el y lo calmo. Poco antes de esto el empezó a familiarizarse con una Iglesia Cristiana (Bautista), y acabo trayéndonos a mi esposo y a mi también, fuimos bautizados de nuevo por esta Iglesia a la cual no volvimos a ir cuando hable con el pastor de mi hijo y saber las creencias tan poco llenas de amor y tan cerradas.
Al terminar la prepa Danny quería ir a una universidad Cristiana, pero lo mandamos a San Diego State University (lo queríamos cerca), odio la universidad de San Diego y nos convenció de mandarlo a Los Ángeles a Azusa Pacific University de la cual se graduó.
Hace más o menos dos anos que nos dijo oficialmente que si era “gay”. Después de hablar con el se me cayo el mundo, sentí el peso de el mundo entero encima y no podía ni respirar. Mi mundo se había acabado, no saben que tan mal me sentí, una tristeza gigante me envolvía y no podía dejar de llorar. No entendía por que me sentía asi, si ya habíamos pensado que era gay, yo sabia que el no había escogido ser gay y que lucho muchísimo contra esto. El nos dijo que se sentía tan bien después de habernos dicho este secreto tan grande que había tenido encerrado por tantos años, se sentía liviano y feliz. Nosotros respondimos con amor y cariño y respaldándolo. Es nuestro hijo, no ha cambiado sigue siendo el mismo.
Yo no quería que el supiera lo mal que me sentía, yo sabia que me tenia que acostumbrar a la idea. Lo primero que me preocupo fue su seguridad en este mundo que tiene tanta violencia en nombre de “Dios” contra personas buenas e inocentes. Tuve miedo por el sida, me sentía triste por que no iba a tener nietos de el y que el no podría casarse legalmente.
Fui a terapia en la cual solo lloraba, lloraba en el baño, en la oficina, en la regadera, tratando de esconder mi tristeza. La terapista me dijo que tenia derecho a estar triste, pues yo me sentía culpable de estar triste,y que era natural el sentimiento pues era como una muerte, como si mi hijo se hubiera muerto, porque MIS sueños para el murieron.
Mis sueños para el eran los que tiene toda madre, en el cual se casan los hijos y nos dan nietos, etc. Pero todo esto cambio y ya no éramos parte de las familias “normales” en América, éramos considerados diferentes, que hicimos para que nuestro hijo fuera así, los chistes de mal gusto y las burlas que están siempre en boca de todos contra los gay (quizás sin pensarlo).
Poco a poco, hablando con todo mundo de mi hijo (practicaba la palabra gay con extraños) y nunca le escondí a mis amistades desde el principio que mi hijo Danny era gay. Mis amigas me llevaron a un grupo que se llama PFLAG (familiares y amigos de lesbianas, gay, bisexuales y transgenders), gracias a las juntas cada mes con este grupo, los libros y las películas que me dedique a ver mi vida empezó a cambiar y soy feliz de nuevo. Les recomiendo los documentarios “For the Bible tells me so” y “Anyone and Everyone”, las dos dan entrevistas a todo tipo de familias de diferentes nacionalidades religiones y clases sociales. Y yo que me sentía tan sola, pensaba exactamente como ellos.
Esto me inspiro y me dio una razón para pelear por los derechos de mi hijo y los demás que no tengan padres que estén de acuerdo con ellos, muchos, por las ideas de las iglesias echan a sus hijos a la calle y muchos hijos se suicidan por no poder tener el amor de sus padres. El pastor de la iglesia a la cual ya no voy me dijo que mi hijo podía ser gay cuando y mientras no tuviera nunca una relación de pareja.
Yo no me imaginaba una vida llena de soledad para mi Danny y los demás. Yo se que Jesús predicaba el amor, el perdón, el no juzgar y la humildad. Las reglas en las cuales condenan a los homosexuales las iglesias fundamentalistas no cabían en mi entendimiento, Dios hizo a mi hijo Danny y lo quiere. Entendí que la Biblia se escribió hace miles de años en otro país y muchas de las cosas que eran prohibidas, fueron prohibidas por las costumbres de el país, el siglo en que se escribieron (cuando la mujer era tratada de otra manera) y la interpretación que cada país tiene es muy diferente y no puede ser universal. En España se habla un español muy diferente al de México o al de Centro América o Sudamérica, la misma palabra tiene diferentes traducciones.
Yo no iba a estar de acuerdo a servir a un Dios que tuviera una Iglesia que interpretara su palabra tan limitada y chica como la de la mayoría de las Iglesias fundamentalistas. Me di cuenta que el Dios que yo quiero servir es el verdadero que incluye a todos, no solo a los pocos, pero todos nosotros que somos imperfectos…la raza humana.
Yo se que los valores humanos de mi hijo no han cambiado, el a tenido como maestros a nuestras familias, mis padres estuvieron casados 52 anos, nosotros 32 y el quiere ese tipo de relación. Me da tristeza que no estamos en un mundo que acepte a mi hijo caminado de la mano de quien vaya a ser su pareja en el futuro, que es posible que algo así le cree violencia personal, y eso es por lo que lucho para cambiar corazones y mentes.
Le dije a mi Papa acerca de su nieto Danny antes de que muriera, y me alegro de haberlo hecho, no sabia como iba a reaccionar, pero reacciono con mucho cariño y aceptación igual que mi Mama. En mi familia la hermana de mi Abuelo en México (en los 20’s) era lesbiana y tuvo una relación con su pareja hasta que murió (no hay tantas parejas que duren tanto), también de el lado de mi Papa tengo un primo de mi edad que es un Arquitecto en Long Beach y esta en relación con su pareja desde hace muchos anos, su primera pareja murió.
Estoy convencida que hay una explicación genética y hormonal de la cual se habla en el documentario “For the Bible tells me so”.
Hasta en el reino animal hay homosexuales, hay un cuento de niños que es verídico acerca de unos pingüinos en el zoológico de Nueva York, se llama “And Tango makes three” escrito por Justin Richardson and Meter Parnell. Nuestra sociedad tiene que progresar y llegar a la realización de que tenemos que amarnos y aceptarnos a todos sin juzgar, ojala que las familias enseñen a sus hijos desde pequeños que no es malo ser gay, que algunos niños van a tener dos Padres o dos Madres y no hacer sufrir a las familias de parejas o familiares que son gay.
Ahora, no todos por ser gay son buena o mala persona, no todos por ser Cristianos, Ateos, o cualquier otra religión son buenos o malos, ser gay es como tener los ojos azules, o el pelo chino, ser alto o bajo, es algo que no tiene que ver con el carácter y los valores de las personas.
Todo ser humano merece toda la felicidad que este para quien quiera, y estoy agradecida que mi hijo sea gay, pues de esa manera yo me he podido convertir en mejor persona y dejar de juzgar a mi prójimo. Todos conocemos a alguien que es gay, lesbiana, bisexual o transgender, pueden ser tus hijos, sobrinos, hermanos, tíos, padres o abuelos…muchos están escondidos y no han salido al público por miedo, muchos nunca saldrán y otros se suicidaran, seamos todos mas como Jesús y amemos a nuestro prójimo sin juzgar o esperar algo de vuelta.
Cuando el presidente Obama fue elegido parte de el sueno de igualdad de Martin Luther King se hizo realidad, pero seguimos peleando y trabajando juntos para completar “mi sueno”, un sueno en el cual la gente no va a maltratar o burlarse de alguien por ser gay (LGBT) o diferente a ellos, cuando se puedan casar las parejas LGBT y tener los mismos derechos que las parejas heterosexuales sin que las Iglesias llenas de susodichos Cristianos peleen con tanto odio contra estos derechos. Sueno con el dia en que parejas LGBT puedan andar de la mano sin que otros se los reprochen o los insulten o hasta los ataquen. Sueno con el dia en que de verdad se haga lo que dijo Jesús y podamos amarnos unos a otros sin juzgar. Sueno con el dia en que en las escuelas tengan ensenanzas positivas de parejas LGBT para que los ninos los vean como ejemplo bueno sin tener que pensar que es algo malo ser diferente.
Ese tiempo no ha llegado, pero soy optimista y pienso que estamos avanzando y pronto sera el dia en que este sueno sea realidad para todos nosotros.
Con Mucho cariño,
Patti
Una Mama mas de PFLAG
A Mothers Heart (Revised Aug 2009)
By Patti
My Notes
My name is Patti, I have two wonderful sons and my youngest son is gay.
I come from a Hispanic background, my Mother was born in Mexico City and my Dad was born in Argentina, as an American citizen, later he became a US diplomat and we lived all over the world. I met my husband of 34 years in California, we were both ultra conservative Republicans and raised Catholics.
My eldest son has been married now for 6 years and is a pharmacist, and my youngest Daniel graduated from Azusa Pacific University (a private Christian University) with a degree in theatre.
When Daniel was little, we noticed certain traits and behaviors. We were both so uneducated in any atypical lifestyle that we wanted to make sure he played with only toys that were usually for boys or gender neutral (musical instruments, etc.). My husband and I discussed amongst ourselves the possibility of Daniel being gay, and knew that we had done nothing to encourage him; we even had him take karate lessons where he eventually became a brown belt. The reason I mention this is to make a point in favor of Nature instead of Nurture.
He showed a passion for performing at an early age and we found out about a program called Christian Youth Theatre through his second grade teacher. He auditioned and made it into every show, which inspired us to start him with voice lessons. He was always so happy performing, plus he had a group of friends that did not judge him and he fit in! I will be eternally grateful to this wonderful caring insightful teacher (Mrs. Ferguson), she may have saved him from the fate of other LGBT children that try to commit suicide and sometimes succeed like the two 11 year old boys that hung themselves recently.
When he was in junior high school, we had to take him out of public school, because he was being picked on by a couple of boys and I did not want to run the risk of him getting beaten up. He had a lot of friends (most of them girls), and we put him in eighth grade at the local Catholic school. This unfortunately is not something that everyone can do and we were lucky to be financially able to do it at the time. He loved the small classroom and I was there at lunch watching, and the world seemed fine again.
My eldest never had all the trouble that Daniel had, but he was small for his age and I thought that maybe the bullies picked on that. In high school he went back to public school and auditioned and made it into the local school choir program he made immediate friends within the group, they traveled and performed in various states and foreign countries. I chaperoned almost all of the performances and truly enjoyed the camaraderie and talent of the students. I felt that we really found a home in this group. Thanks to this group High school was not a problem for him, it was like a large extended family (48 kids from 8-12th. Grade).
In tenth grade, we asked him if he was gay (no girlfriends, naked men pictures on the computer, etc.) but he denied it and ran out of the house with my husband running behind him to catch and calm him down. Prior to this incident, through Christian Youth Theatre we became familiar with “Born again Christians” and all three of us, my husband, Daniel and I, got baptized in the local Christian Non-Denomination church that we do not attend anymore.
He came out officially to us about three years ago at the age of 23. He called my husband on the phone first, I spoke to him after that and it felt like the world had landed on my chest! I couldn’t breathe; my world felt like it was ending… you can’t imagine how awful I felt. I couldn’t stop crying, even though I knew there was a possibility all along that he was gay, I knew that he was not choosing this on purpose! I knew he had fought his feelings for so many years. We told him we loved him and knew all along that he was gay, he told us that coming out made him feel the happiest he had ever felt…a huge weight was lifted off of his shoulders (and straight into mine!).
I didn’t want him to know that I felt so badly and I knew that I had to get used to the idea, you see he fought this feeling all his life because the church told him it was bad, and little by little he got used to the fact that he was gay it took him over 20 years to do this and we as parents have the same getting used to feelings in a lesser time frame. My first thought was for his safety (sexually transmitted diseases and anti gay violence) then, I started feeling sorry for myself. I wouldn’t have grandchildren, he couldn’t get married legally, and who knows how he’d be treated out in the world (so much hatred against gays!).
I went to a therapist for a few sessions where all I did was cry and cry. I would cry at work in the bathroom, at home in the shower (trying to hide this sadness from everyone). The therapist enlightened me when she told me that I had a right to feel like that. It was like a death; like my child had died and it was because MY dreams for this child had died. We need to stop imposing OUR dreams on other people instead of just accepting them at face value and respecting THEIR dreams.
My dreams were those of a mother in mainstream America, where your child gets married, you get a new daughter or son-in-law, and hopefully children, etc. This changed everything and we were no longer part of the “mainstream American dream” we were part of the citizens that were considered more of a ‘fringe minority’ society; who are singled out or marginalized for hate crimes and ridiculed.
Eventually, little by little talking to anyone and everyone about my gay son (I practiced the word with strangers who must have thought I was crazy!), and joining PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), I felt that my life was getting back on track. I also craved any information and literature that talked about gays, including two documentary films, “For the Bible tells me so” and “Anyone and Everyone” (I highly recommend both!) and books like Mel White’s “Stranger at the gates”, Mel was ghost writer for Fallwell, Billy Graham and many other famous fundamentalist Christian leaders while fighting his own feelings as a devout Christian gay man.
This truly inspired me and gave me a cause; a reason to fight for equal rights for my son and all the others who don’t have a parent to stand up for them. Not all families embrace their children which is why I now feel like this is my ministry. My former church minister didn’t think it was Biblical for my son to have a relationship, and stated; “He can be gay but should abstain from any same sex relationship.”
But I just couldn’t imagine a life sentence of loneliness for my youngest boy and all the other gay and lesbian children. I know that Jesus preached all about love, forgiveness, and not to judge one another. Some of the rules that a few extreme fundamentalist churches preach are not correct; my heart and pure common sense tell me this. Some of the writings at the time were culturally designed during a period of time that had more gender rules between men and women. Although the Bible is specific on many items, do I really want to serve a God that is so small and limited in the minds and interpretations of some of the more fundamentalist churches? I realized that the God I want to serve includes everyone! Not just some….but all of us who have fallen short of perfection….essentially the whole human race!
I know that my son’s values have not changed, he has role models of long-term relationships and I wish that for him too. Part of my therapy in dealing with this is talking as much as I can to groups about PFLAG . The more I spoke and cried, the better things got and if I encountered negativity in friends or family I was prepared to dialogue and show them that they were not looking at this correctly, if they did not agree to dialogue then I was prepared to drop them from my life and move on.
My parents were told about Danny and accept him as he is. My Dad just passed away on February 13, 2008, and I was glad that I got to tell him about Danny so I could experience his acceptance of this. I also have a cousin (on my Father’s side) who is 53 and gay; my Grandfather’s only sister in Mexico (in the 1920’s) was a lesbian and served in the army!! She had a life-long partner until she died (not many heterosexual relationships go that long!). Imagine how hard they had it back then.
What I know now is that being LGBT is a permanent human trait as much as heterosexuality is also a permanent human condition. I’m convinced there is a genetic link, which is described in the movies I mentioned, and also there may be hormonal links during pregnancy. There is still so much that we don’t understand.
I just want more people to come to the place I have grown to so that their families can heal faster. I do realize that I still have a lot of growing to do myself; however, the first step is accepting who they are.
If we could all realize that this behavior also exists in the animal kingdom (this is a true story about two penguins at a zoo; “And Tango Makes Three”, by Justin Richardson & Peter Parnell) and start loving everyone without concern of gender and or sexual orientation, we would have a much more accepting society. Perhaps family’s can start teaching their children early and very young that it’s okay to be gay, that some families will have two moms or two dads and not marginalize more good people and families. I wish I had all that information when I was younger to be able to expose my children to more information instead of censoring information like some churches want to do.
Not everyone, because they are gay or lesbian, are going to be a good or bad person; not everyone because they are Christian, Atheist or any other religion are either good or bad; that is not what makes the person. Don’t look at the gender, religious beliefs, outwardly appearances, etc…just look into their hearts. Besides who are we to judge anyone! Even if they are bad, it’s not up to us
I can finally say that I’m thankful that my youngest son is gay (never thought I could say this; I always wished that I could put this event in reverse so I could rewind, erase and move on), but his being gay has shown me that I can really love unconditionally and non-judgmentally. I feel like a veil was lifted from my eyes, I followed religious churches without asking questions, now I know better, I’m still a Christian, I have a better understanding of what that really means and I’m very saddened by the fundamentalist Christian churches, Mormons, Catholics and other denominations that misuse the Bible to exclude, ridicule and reject LGBT Christians. They are using this minority towards a dark goal, like Hitler used this to unite Germany against the Jews and other minorities and gays in 1933. Even after the war when allies liberated all the remaining people from the concentration camps, they did not liberate the gays, they remained imprisoned.
These fundamentalist are dangerous they are misusing the Bible and fear to rob the LGBT community of basic human rights, but the courts are trying to keep these rights like the 14th. Amendment says “no state shall make or enforce a law that shall abridge the privileges of citizens nor deny them equal protection under the law.
Every human being deserves the right to come out of the dark of the closet and into the light and to be loved and accepted as they are
When Barak Obama was elected as our 44th. President part of Martin Luther King’s dream for equality became true, then came Lilly Ledbetter’s equal rights bill for women in the work place, yet we are still fighting and working together to complete “my dream”, of a time when people will not look down at anyone that is different (LGBT), when same sex marriage is allowed without all these (so-called Christians) churches fighting against these rights, I dream of a time when two men or two women or two transgender people can walk in public holding hands and allowed to behave like my heterosexual son and his wife without hateful, reproachful looks, violent behavior or words shouted at them. I dream of a time when transgender people are able to use a public restrooms without fearing for their safety, when all churches will embrace everyone as “God’s Children” and stop pointing fingers from their pulpits making their own rules and interpreting God’s words their own way while pushing people further away from what Jesus stood for.
A dream where we can really all love our neighbors, but that time has not arrived yet, I’m hopeful that it is coming and there will be a time when this dream will come true for me and other parents that share my dream.
Patti Boman
PFLAG Mother
My Notes
My name is Patti, I have two wonderful sons and my youngest son is gay.
I come from a Hispanic background, my Mother was born in Mexico City and my Dad was born in Argentina, as an American citizen, later he became a US diplomat and we lived all over the world. I met my husband of 34 years in California, we were both ultra conservative Republicans and raised Catholics.
My eldest son has been married now for 6 years and is a pharmacist, and my youngest Daniel graduated from Azusa Pacific University (a private Christian University) with a degree in theatre.
When Daniel was little, we noticed certain traits and behaviors. We were both so uneducated in any atypical lifestyle that we wanted to make sure he played with only toys that were usually for boys or gender neutral (musical instruments, etc.). My husband and I discussed amongst ourselves the possibility of Daniel being gay, and knew that we had done nothing to encourage him; we even had him take karate lessons where he eventually became a brown belt. The reason I mention this is to make a point in favor of Nature instead of Nurture.
He showed a passion for performing at an early age and we found out about a program called Christian Youth Theatre through his second grade teacher. He auditioned and made it into every show, which inspired us to start him with voice lessons. He was always so happy performing, plus he had a group of friends that did not judge him and he fit in! I will be eternally grateful to this wonderful caring insightful teacher (Mrs. Ferguson), she may have saved him from the fate of other LGBT children that try to commit suicide and sometimes succeed like the two 11 year old boys that hung themselves recently.
When he was in junior high school, we had to take him out of public school, because he was being picked on by a couple of boys and I did not want to run the risk of him getting beaten up. He had a lot of friends (most of them girls), and we put him in eighth grade at the local Catholic school. This unfortunately is not something that everyone can do and we were lucky to be financially able to do it at the time. He loved the small classroom and I was there at lunch watching, and the world seemed fine again.
My eldest never had all the trouble that Daniel had, but he was small for his age and I thought that maybe the bullies picked on that. In high school he went back to public school and auditioned and made it into the local school choir program he made immediate friends within the group, they traveled and performed in various states and foreign countries. I chaperoned almost all of the performances and truly enjoyed the camaraderie and talent of the students. I felt that we really found a home in this group. Thanks to this group High school was not a problem for him, it was like a large extended family (48 kids from 8-12th. Grade).
In tenth grade, we asked him if he was gay (no girlfriends, naked men pictures on the computer, etc.) but he denied it and ran out of the house with my husband running behind him to catch and calm him down. Prior to this incident, through Christian Youth Theatre we became familiar with “Born again Christians” and all three of us, my husband, Daniel and I, got baptized in the local Christian Non-Denomination church that we do not attend anymore.
He came out officially to us about three years ago at the age of 23. He called my husband on the phone first, I spoke to him after that and it felt like the world had landed on my chest! I couldn’t breathe; my world felt like it was ending… you can’t imagine how awful I felt. I couldn’t stop crying, even though I knew there was a possibility all along that he was gay, I knew that he was not choosing this on purpose! I knew he had fought his feelings for so many years. We told him we loved him and knew all along that he was gay, he told us that coming out made him feel the happiest he had ever felt…a huge weight was lifted off of his shoulders (and straight into mine!).
I didn’t want him to know that I felt so badly and I knew that I had to get used to the idea, you see he fought this feeling all his life because the church told him it was bad, and little by little he got used to the fact that he was gay it took him over 20 years to do this and we as parents have the same getting used to feelings in a lesser time frame. My first thought was for his safety (sexually transmitted diseases and anti gay violence) then, I started feeling sorry for myself. I wouldn’t have grandchildren, he couldn’t get married legally, and who knows how he’d be treated out in the world (so much hatred against gays!).
I went to a therapist for a few sessions where all I did was cry and cry. I would cry at work in the bathroom, at home in the shower (trying to hide this sadness from everyone). The therapist enlightened me when she told me that I had a right to feel like that. It was like a death; like my child had died and it was because MY dreams for this child had died. We need to stop imposing OUR dreams on other people instead of just accepting them at face value and respecting THEIR dreams.
My dreams were those of a mother in mainstream America, where your child gets married, you get a new daughter or son-in-law, and hopefully children, etc. This changed everything and we were no longer part of the “mainstream American dream” we were part of the citizens that were considered more of a ‘fringe minority’ society; who are singled out or marginalized for hate crimes and ridiculed.
Eventually, little by little talking to anyone and everyone about my gay son (I practiced the word with strangers who must have thought I was crazy!), and joining PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), I felt that my life was getting back on track. I also craved any information and literature that talked about gays, including two documentary films, “For the Bible tells me so” and “Anyone and Everyone” (I highly recommend both!) and books like Mel White’s “Stranger at the gates”, Mel was ghost writer for Fallwell, Billy Graham and many other famous fundamentalist Christian leaders while fighting his own feelings as a devout Christian gay man.
This truly inspired me and gave me a cause; a reason to fight for equal rights for my son and all the others who don’t have a parent to stand up for them. Not all families embrace their children which is why I now feel like this is my ministry. My former church minister didn’t think it was Biblical for my son to have a relationship, and stated; “He can be gay but should abstain from any same sex relationship.”
But I just couldn’t imagine a life sentence of loneliness for my youngest boy and all the other gay and lesbian children. I know that Jesus preached all about love, forgiveness, and not to judge one another. Some of the rules that a few extreme fundamentalist churches preach are not correct; my heart and pure common sense tell me this. Some of the writings at the time were culturally designed during a period of time that had more gender rules between men and women. Although the Bible is specific on many items, do I really want to serve a God that is so small and limited in the minds and interpretations of some of the more fundamentalist churches? I realized that the God I want to serve includes everyone! Not just some….but all of us who have fallen short of perfection….essentially the whole human race!
I know that my son’s values have not changed, he has role models of long-term relationships and I wish that for him too. Part of my therapy in dealing with this is talking as much as I can to groups about PFLAG . The more I spoke and cried, the better things got and if I encountered negativity in friends or family I was prepared to dialogue and show them that they were not looking at this correctly, if they did not agree to dialogue then I was prepared to drop them from my life and move on.
My parents were told about Danny and accept him as he is. My Dad just passed away on February 13, 2008, and I was glad that I got to tell him about Danny so I could experience his acceptance of this. I also have a cousin (on my Father’s side) who is 53 and gay; my Grandfather’s only sister in Mexico (in the 1920’s) was a lesbian and served in the army!! She had a life-long partner until she died (not many heterosexual relationships go that long!). Imagine how hard they had it back then.
What I know now is that being LGBT is a permanent human trait as much as heterosexuality is also a permanent human condition. I’m convinced there is a genetic link, which is described in the movies I mentioned, and also there may be hormonal links during pregnancy. There is still so much that we don’t understand.
I just want more people to come to the place I have grown to so that their families can heal faster. I do realize that I still have a lot of growing to do myself; however, the first step is accepting who they are.
If we could all realize that this behavior also exists in the animal kingdom (this is a true story about two penguins at a zoo; “And Tango Makes Three”, by Justin Richardson & Peter Parnell) and start loving everyone without concern of gender and or sexual orientation, we would have a much more accepting society. Perhaps family’s can start teaching their children early and very young that it’s okay to be gay, that some families will have two moms or two dads and not marginalize more good people and families. I wish I had all that information when I was younger to be able to expose my children to more information instead of censoring information like some churches want to do.
Not everyone, because they are gay or lesbian, are going to be a good or bad person; not everyone because they are Christian, Atheist or any other religion are either good or bad; that is not what makes the person. Don’t look at the gender, religious beliefs, outwardly appearances, etc…just look into their hearts. Besides who are we to judge anyone! Even if they are bad, it’s not up to us
I can finally say that I’m thankful that my youngest son is gay (never thought I could say this; I always wished that I could put this event in reverse so I could rewind, erase and move on), but his being gay has shown me that I can really love unconditionally and non-judgmentally. I feel like a veil was lifted from my eyes, I followed religious churches without asking questions, now I know better, I’m still a Christian, I have a better understanding of what that really means and I’m very saddened by the fundamentalist Christian churches, Mormons, Catholics and other denominations that misuse the Bible to exclude, ridicule and reject LGBT Christians. They are using this minority towards a dark goal, like Hitler used this to unite Germany against the Jews and other minorities and gays in 1933. Even after the war when allies liberated all the remaining people from the concentration camps, they did not liberate the gays, they remained imprisoned.
These fundamentalist are dangerous they are misusing the Bible and fear to rob the LGBT community of basic human rights, but the courts are trying to keep these rights like the 14th. Amendment says “no state shall make or enforce a law that shall abridge the privileges of citizens nor deny them equal protection under the law.
Every human being deserves the right to come out of the dark of the closet and into the light and to be loved and accepted as they are
When Barak Obama was elected as our 44th. President part of Martin Luther King’s dream for equality became true, then came Lilly Ledbetter’s equal rights bill for women in the work place, yet we are still fighting and working together to complete “my dream”, of a time when people will not look down at anyone that is different (LGBT), when same sex marriage is allowed without all these (so-called Christians) churches fighting against these rights, I dream of a time when two men or two women or two transgender people can walk in public holding hands and allowed to behave like my heterosexual son and his wife without hateful, reproachful looks, violent behavior or words shouted at them. I dream of a time when transgender people are able to use a public restrooms without fearing for their safety, when all churches will embrace everyone as “God’s Children” and stop pointing fingers from their pulpits making their own rules and interpreting God’s words their own way while pushing people further away from what Jesus stood for.
A dream where we can really all love our neighbors, but that time has not arrived yet, I’m hopeful that it is coming and there will be a time when this dream will come true for me and other parents that share my dream.
Patti Boman
PFLAG Mother
Scouting For All Urges Boy Scouts to Change Policy Excluding LGBT and Atheist youth and adults
SAN DIEGO – January 8, 2010 – Scouting For All (SFA) will urge the Boy Scouts of America (BSA) to change its discriminatory national policy excluding LGBT and non-theist scouts, There will be a candlelight vigil on February 6 from 5:30PM to 6:30PM in front of Boy Scouts headquarters at 1207 Upas. We will begin at The
LGBT Center at 3909 Center Street (corner of Center and University at 5:30 and walk to BSA headquarters on Upas Street After 100 Years the Boy Scouts of America still has not learned to treat all people equal. There stance against gay and non-theist children and adults amounts to teaching hate by example.
LGBT Center at 3909 Center Street (corner of Center and University at 5:30 and walk to BSA headquarters on Upas Street After 100 Years the Boy Scouts of America still has not learned to treat all people equal. There stance against gay and non-theist children and adults amounts to teaching hate by example.
Education Resource - Intersex
Below you will find educational and support material for intersex education. Please feel free to email me with questions and/or comments. I found out when I was 21 years old of my intersex condition. I have Androgen Insensitivity Syndrom, which is a fairly common condition. This is an important cause to me, and I hope everyone, so I hope we can include intersex education, support, and advocacy into the PFLAG Laurel, MS group agenda
PFLAG Library List 2009 – Available Books
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