PFLAG SD Twits
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Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Help our fundraiser by using coupons at Walgreens
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
PFLAG San Diego TEAMS WITH PFLAG NATIONAL AND JOHNSON & JOHNSON FAMILY OF CONSUMER COMPANIES TO FIGHT BULLYING IN SCHOOLS
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
Good vs Bad
They could be the people we think are nice and upstanding, even kind!
They are like wolves in sheep's clothing.
It is much harder to discern the bad ones now but we need to keep our eyes, hearts and minds wide open!
Thank you,
Patti Boman
A Pflag Mom
Friday, May 11, 2012
Catholic coalition lauds Obama on marriage equality
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Thursday, May 10, 2012
THE PERFECT FAMILY film release
Anne Renton's new film THE PERFECT FAMILY, which has garnered much acclaim, playing in last year's Tribeca Film Festival. The film will open in Los Angeles and NYC on May 4, and then in San Diego and additional cities on May 11. I think PFLAG will find that the movie falls in line with its mission, and I hope might want to work with me to find ways to be involved in the release.
Suburban supermom Eileen Cleary (Academy Award® nominee Kathleen Turner) is the ultimate Catholic, and when she's nominated for the coveted Catholic Woman of the Year Award at her local parish, it looks like she's about to get the plaque to prove it. Only one final test remains—introducing her family to the church board for the seal of approval. Now, she must face the truth about her nonconformist family—a truth she has been glossing over for years. With her gay daughter (Emily Deschanel) about to marry her life partner, her unhappily married son (Jason Ritter) having an affair with the local manicurist, and her own marriage to a recovered alcoholic pulling at the seams, Eileen decides to take action, ramping up her meddling to hilarious new heights. This heartfelt dysfunctional family comedy boasts a memorable performance from Turner as the conflicted and comical matriarch, while newcomer director Anne Renton keeps the pacing taut and crafts an honest, modern family tale that asks us what truly makes a family perfect—how it looks on the outside, or how it feels on the inside. You can view the trailer here.THE PERFECT FAMILY
Directed by Anne Renton
Opening May 11 in San Diego at the Reading Gaslamp Stadium 15
Suburban supermom Eileen Cleary (Academy Award® nominee Kathleen Turner) has been nominated
for the coveted Catholic Woman of the Year Award at her local parish, and only one final test remains—
introducing her family to the board for the seal of approval. Now, as she finally faces the reality of the
nonconformist family she's been glossing over for years, her meddling reaches hilarious new heightsin this heartfelt and honest dysfunctional family comedy.
Connect with The Perfect Family
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Support The Sisters
I just signed the petition "Support The Sisters" and wanted to see if you could help by adding your name.
Our goal is to reach 57,000 signatures and we need more support. You can read more and sign the petition here:
http://www.change.org/petitions/support-the-sisters
Thanks!
Patti
Thank you,
Patti Boman
President Obama's Statement on Marriage Equality
Today, history was made. President Barack Obama took an historic step as the first American president in office to recognize the importance of the freedom to marry for ALL couples. He joins a majority of Americans who believe that everyone deserves the opportunity to create a loving, lasting and legal partnership — marriage — with the person they love, regardless of sexual orientation.
The President now affirms what PFLAG has said for 40 years: that there is power in sharing personal stories and that, when we do, hearts and minds can truly change as we realize our shared values of love and commitment. The President has sent an important message to LGBT people, their parents, families, friends, and allies: that they are accepted for all that they are, that their enduring, loving relationships are the same as all others.
For all of us at PFLAG who believe in the power of love and acceptance, the message the president sends to our LGBT children is loud and clear: You are loved. You are accepted. You are equal.
We thank President Obama and welcome him to the PFLAG family.
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Monday, May 7, 2012
International Day Against Homophobia - Film and panel at St. Paul's Cathedral May 14 7:30 pm
Friends,
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Another good book
My wife, Enid and I found out our son was gay over 25 years ago. We had a tough time of it at first, but over the years went from non-accepting to accepting to advocacy, with the help of PFLAG. We have been involved with the Orlando Chapter of PFLAG for over 18 years and continue to be active board members of our local chapter.
A few years ago, Enid wrote a very personal memoir of our family's journey, entitled The Rest of the Way. She wrote the book as a psychotherapist and as a PFLAG mom. Her approach was to shed light, through stories from our lives, on where the roots of homophobia, shame, and guilt come from, allowing parents to see issues that may be keeping them stuck. The book can not only help parents come to a place of greater understanding and acceptance of their gay child, but also gay people can gain a new awareness of the complexity of the coming out process from a parents' point of view.
Read what people have said about this book atwww.restoftheway.com/testimonials/ .
If you know a mother or father who is having trouble accepting their gay child, or parents in the "I love you but let's not talk about it" stage, please send them this email or refer them to the web site. www.restoftheway.com. Thanks.
Syd Jackowitz
PFLAG Orlando/Central Florida Chapter
Friday, May 4, 2012
The Reason I celebrate the Gay Pride parade
The reason I celebrate Gay Pride parade
I had a friend once that asked me why gays needed to have a day in which they flaunted being gay to the rest of the population. She thought that it sent the wrong message and if the LGBT community wanted to gain allies they needed to refrain from this celebration or at the very least tone down the celebration and restrict the skimpy male and female outfits worn by some on the parades.
I at the time did not have an answer for her because my son had just come out to us and told us he was gay, it took a lot of reading and learning about the LGBT community. Now I have the answer for her and anyone else that may think like that.
My husband and I are there for other children whose parents have turned their backs on them, we are there so they can see that their being gay is celebrated by others and not condemned, that being LGBT is normal, that they are normal and fit in with the rest of society, that there are other people that are really "Christian" and accept LGBT people, that other large organizations, and city government officials accept them! that they can be themselves and be happy!
We walked with PFLAG the very first time three years ago, we both marched with our signs that read "Real Christians for same sex marriage" and "What would Jesus do? He would be ok with same sex marriage NO on 8" and "we love both our children gay and straight". The love we felt coming from the crowd was just overwhelming, we walked the entire way on this cloud and I had tears streaming down my face, and yes some of the floats had scantily clad young people but it was no different that if they were at the beach, I've seen worse on television, the beach, Mardi Gras, etc. There were a lot of children there in the parade and as spectators, this is a family affair and I am never going to miss one of these as long as we need to let other young people know we are here for them, until the day comes when the LGBT community is accepted and not targeted for hate crimes and by the extreme fanatical religious groups. I do hope that the day will come when we don't need to hold a "Gay Pride parade" but I don't see that in my lifetime unfortunately so we try to work on one heart and mind at a time.
I am co President of PFLAG SD now and I truly believe in our mission statement:
PFLAG promotes the health and well being of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons and their families and friends through Support, to cope with an adverse society; Education, to enlighten an ill informed public; and Advocacy, to end discrimination and to secure equal civil rights. PFLAG provides opportunity for dialogue about sexual orientation and acts to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity.
I invite anyone to attend and walk with PFLAG in the parade and see for yourselves it is a wonderfully uplifting experience. A couple of years ago I went to a La Mesa city council because councilwoman Sterling had withdrawn her support for the Pride parade and had heard and made some comments against the Pride parade event and I invited her to attend and see for herself. I did take lots of pictures and can share them with anyone that wants to see them.
I would like to invite everyone and anyone to march with us! the more the merrier, start making your signs and we will keep you informed about time and place.
Save the date Saturday July 21, 2012 Parade begins at 11 AM but you need to get to starting area by 10 and parking can be challenging so we recommend carpooling.
Patti Boman
A PFLAG Mom
Physical Transition Options for the Transgender Individual*
by Darlene Tando, LCSW |
In conjunction with my last blog, "What's in YOUR Pants?", this blog is about physical transition options for the transgender individual. As stated in the aforementioned blog, many people ask about surgery the first time they hear about a transgender individual's plans to transition. It may surprise many people to find out the transgender individual has no plans to pursue surgery, specifically genital surgery.
I recently watched a documentary called "Diagnosing Difference" by Annalise Ophelian (excellent; I highly recommend it!). This quote from that documentary summarizes perfectly what I was trying to say in my last blog, and leads nicely into what I'm going to explain in this blog. "There's this huge stereotype that trans people all have genital surgery, that we know that someone's really the new gender because they've had genital surgery, and that's one of the biggest misconceptions about trans people. In reality, the vast majority of trans people will never have any surgery, and many trans people have surgeries that aren't genital surgeries. [Italics added.] And some people don't have surgeries and don't undergo medical care related to their gender because they don't want it, it's not appropriate to them, there's other ways that they're expressing their gender, and some people don't have it because it's not available to them, it's not covered by their insurance…and so for both of those reasons, rules that govern are you really trans or have you really transitioned based on genital status or surgical status are very damaging to trans people's well-being." –Dean Spade
Hormone Therapy
OK, so before I get to surgery, let me talk a little bit about hormone therapy, or hormone treatment. Hormones are often a huge part of the physical transition process. Female-to-male (FTM) transgender individuals take Testosterone or "T" (by patch, cream, or injection, most commonly injection). Doses vary depending on the individual and his desire for physical outcomes. Often the first changes that occur from taking Testosterone are the deepening of the voice and facial hair. These are also two irreversible changes that occur from taking T. Other changes include changes in facial features, head shape, clitoral enlargement, and fat redistribution (less on hips/butt/thighs, more to stomach). For more information regarding FTM hormone therapy, visit http://transhealth.vch.ca/resources/library/tcpdocs/consumer/hormones-FTM.pdf or http://www.ohio.edu/lgbt/resources/transoptions.cfm.
Male-to-Female (MTF) individuals often take Estrogen, which can be administered orally or by injection, most commonly in a pill form taken orally. Hormone therapy for MTF individuals also often includes an anti-androgen, which blocks the effects of testosterone. Results from taking Estrogen include but are not limited to: breast growth, softening of the skin and facial features, lessening of body hair, and changes in fat distribution (less on abdomen, more to hips and bottom). For more information about MTF hormone therapy, visit http://transhealth.vch.ca/resources/library/tcpdocs/consumer/hormones-MTF.pdf, http://www.transgendercare.com/medical/resources/tmf_program/tmf_program_6.asp, or http://www.ohio.edu/lgbt/resources/transoptions.cfm.
Female-to-Male Surgical Options
FTM individuals have the option of two types of surgery, commonly referred to as "top surgery" and "bottom surgery". Top surgery refers to the removal of breasts, the shaping of a male chest, and re-sizing the nipples. In my experience, this is the most commonly pursued and desired surgery for the FTM individual. A main reason for this is that the removal of breasts eliminates the need to bind (http://www.ftmguide.org/binding.html) and also helps the individual "pass" as male. Many (if not most) FTM individuals pursue this surgery, and those who don't often cite the obstacle of not having the finances for it. Top surgery commonly costs between $6-10k, out of pocket. For more information re: FTM "top surgery", please visit: http://www.ftmguide.org/chest.html.
As for "bottom surgery" (surgery to construct a penis), most FTM individuals do not pursue any genital reconstruction surgery (GRS). You read that right, most DON'T. Finances are often a major obstacle; GRS costs anywhere from $20k to $70k, depending on the procedure. Additionally, many FTM individuals are not happy with the options/projected results; techniques have not been perfected enough to deliver optimal results. Additionally, some FTM individuals don't have a problem with their genitalia or see the need to have it changed. (Remember, one's genitalia has more to do with one's anatomy than gender. For a refresher on the difference between Gender and Sex, visit my blog Gender Vs. Sex.)
For those who do pursue "bottom surgery", there are a few options. These include but are not limited to: a metoidioplasty, which involves cutting the ligament connecting the (now enlarged, thanks to T) clitoris and removing extra skin, resulting in a small phallus. The urinary tract can also be lengthened if the individual wants to be able to urinate while standing. Another surgery called a "phalloplasty" is basically the creation of a penis using skin from a donor site on the individual's body, most commonly the forearm. If the trans man desires testicles, the skin from the labia can be used to create a scrotum. At least six months after a phalloplasty, testicular and penile implants can be inserted. To quote Hudson's FTM Resource Guide, "Phalloplasty usually involves a urethral lengthening procedure so that the patient can urinate through the penis. Erections are usually achieved with either a malleable rod implanted permanently or inserted temporarily in the penis, or with an implanted pump device." For more information regarding GRS for FTM individuals, please visit http://www.ftmguide.org/grs.htmlor http://www.savaperovic.com/ftm-srs-metoidioplasty-total-phalloplasty.htm.
There are MANY different options for FTM individuals who don't choose to or who can't afford bottom surgery. There are all sorts of accoutrements available for purchase that allow the trans man to stand to urinate, wear a penis, and/or to have intercourse. In order to stand to urinate, there are "stand to pee" (STP) devices. (http://www.ftmguide.org/packing.html#stp) If the trans man prefers to wear a penis, full-time if desired, this is called "packing". (http://www.ftmguide.org/packing.html) There are a variety of different packers available for purchase. (http://www.tranzwear.net/store.php?seller=TranZwear&navt1=101317&navt2=101323. For a 15% discount on purchases from tranzwear.com, use discount code "TRANZ" when checking out.) For sexual intercourse, there are also a variety of options to choose from (http://www.ftmguide.org/packinghard.html). I should add here that not all trans men choose to pack or wear any kind of prosthesis. As with any group of individuals, there is a spectrum of preferences about this!
Male-to-Female Surgical Options
Facial feminization is a common surgery pursued by MTF individuals. This can include changing the hairline, frontal bone contouring, mandible contouring, chin augmentation or reduction, rhinoplasty, lip augmentation, etc. I don't know the exact numbers on this, but the cost of this surgery can be upwards of $30k. For more information on facial feminization, visit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facial_feminization_surgery. Some trans women opt to undergo breast augmentation surgery. (Estrogen often does not enlarge one's breasts to more than a "B" cup.) http://marcibowers.com/grs/breastaug.html
As for MTF "bottom surgery", often referred to as Sexual Reassignment Surgery (SRS) or Genital Reconstruction Surgery (GRS), many transgender women opt to undergo a vaginoplasty, using skin and tissue from the penis to create a vagina, clitoris, clitoral hood and labia. This is another expensive surgery not covered by insurance; I don't know the exact figures but what I could find implied a ballpark figure of $20k. Sue Boyd, LCSW, a trusted colleague of mine who works with more MTF individuals than I do, estimates that about half of her MTF clients opt to pursue this surgery "expense and all". My guess is because the results are more satisfactory to the consumer than the current results of FTM bottom surgery. For more information on MTF GRS, please visit: http://www.thetransgendercenter.com/transgendersurgerymaletofemaleMTF.htmlor http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_reassignment_surgery_(male-to-female)#Genital_surgery.
I should say again that all of the above depends on personal preference. Some individuals believe opting to get any or all of the above surgeries is a way of buying into the gender stereotypes prescribed by society, particularly about how a man or woman "should" look. To quote the film "Diagnosing Difference" again, "I think 'passing' is a word to discriminate us immensely. Not everybody can pass. And passing is something that the doctors will tell you to do, you try to pass. Well, no matter how much I pass, I will never be a biological woman. How about empowering me as the transgender woman that I am?" -Adela Vazquez
A moment on my soap box:
After reading all these extensive options a transgender individual confronts, don't you wish things could be a little bit easier? They can be. By intervening EARLY with a child or pre-adolescent who has yet to start puberty, their future does not have to hold as many medical interventions! For the MTF individual, staring on hormone blockers pre-puberty would prevent facial hair from growing in, thereby preventing HOURS of painful and expensive electrolysis. Hormone blockers would also prevent one's Adam's apple from growing and the voice from deepening, which would eliminate the need for a "trach shave"… ouch! Similarly, staring hormone blockers pre-puberty for the FTM individual would prevent breast growth and ultimately prevent an expensive and painful "top surgery". Additionally, for the transgender individual who desires to "pass" as their true gender, intervening early gives them the best chance at doing exactly that. For more information about hormone blockers and intervening early for transgender children, please visit http://transhealth.ucsf.edu/trans?page=protocol-youth.
*Disclaimer(s):
- I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, not a medical doctor. The information contained in this blog should not be considered a replacement for medical advice or consultation.
- The websites used in this blog should not be considered as endorsements but rather sources of information.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Book to read "The Marrying Kind" by Ken O'Neill
Ken O'Neill has written a novel called THE MARRYING KIND which is a funny and romantic screwball comedy but it also has a powerful message about equality.
There is a sample chapter linked to his website, which I hope you will read. And, if you like it, please encourage your friends and the PFLAG community to read it--I think his story, with its strong focus on family will be especially appealing to Pflag members.
My best,
Ken O'Neill
http://www.facebook.com/l/qAQGAFugeAQEgv1q3MhnKT04f7HyKmoG34JsC65p8uiA6Ng/www.themarryingkind.org
The Marrying Kind – The Book
With its timely, provocative premise, fabulous characters, and a wonderfully wry, sly narrative, THE... |