News from Family Matters!

FEBRUARY 2012 Tuesday, Feb. 7, 9 am, Community Food Distribution The San Diego Food Bank is giving away FREE fruits, vegetables and other food items on the first Tuesday of every month to individuals, families and seniors in this area. Please bring bags for your items. The parking lot is used for the distribution, so come early to find parking on the street. The line begins to form around 8 am.For more information, visit the San Diego Food Bank website. Family Movie Night, Friday, Feb. 10, 5:30 pm Parents bring the kids and join us for a fun, family evening at The Center. For those considering parenthood, come join us and see what you have to look forward to. Bring your favorite family movie and the kids will vote on which film we will watch. For those little ones who can't sit still, we will have toys set up in the library. Dinner will be served from 5:30 – 6:30 pm and the movie will start at 6:45 pm. All for only $10 per family! Bring blankets, sleeping bags and/or pillows for anyone who prefers to sit on the floor. RSVP's are required. For more information, contact Jane at families@thecentersd.org.   LGBT Parent Support Group, Tuesday, February 14, 6 pm Having a tough day? Learned the secret to not having a tough day? If you need a sympathetic ear, or if you just want to meet other parents in the area, then this group is for you. If you've already dealt with issues such as coming out, temper tantrums, troubled teens or single parenting, come share your experiences and insight. This group meets on the second Tuesday of every month in Latino Services. Free child care is available if you RSVP by the first Tuesday of each month. For more information, contact Jane at families@thecentersd.org. LGBT Military Family Support Group, February 28, 6 pm The Center and Fleet and Family Support Services are excited to introduce a new support/education group for LGBT Active Duty Service Members and their families. This group is for couples with or without children and will meet the 4th Tuesday of every month. Free child care is available if you RSVP by the 3rd Tuesday of each month. For more information, contact Caroline Bender at 619. 222.5586 or caroline.bender.ctr@navy.mil and to RSVP for childcare contact Jane at families@thecentersd.org. Save the Date! Thursday, April 28 – Dining Out for Life® San Diego Saturday, May 12 – Senior Fair Friday, May 20 – Harvey Milk Diversity Breakfast Saturday, June 25 – Happy Birthday Frida Sunday, Sept. 25 – AIDS Walk San Diego Saturday, Oct. 22 – The Annual Center Gala Saturday, Oct. 29 – Nightmare on Normal Street  February at a Glance 2/3  Infant / Toddler Playgroup @ The Center 9:30 - 11:30 am Center Kids Playgroup @ The Center 9:30 - 11:30 am 2/4  North County Family Playgroup (NCF) 1 - 3 am 2/7  Community Food Distribution @ The Center 9 am 2/10  Infant / Toddler Playgroup @ The Center 9:30 - 11:30 am Center Kid Playgroup @ The Center 9:30 - 11:30 am 2/10  Family Movie Night, 6-9 pm 2/14  LGBT Parents Support Group, 6-7:30 pm 2/17  Infant / Toddler Playgroup @ The Center 9:30 - 11:30 am Center Kids Playgroup @ The Center 9:30 - 11:30 am   2/24  Infant / Toddler Playgroup @ The Center 9:30 - 11:30 am Center Kids Playgroup @ The Center 9:30 - 11:30 am 2/28  Military Family Support Group, 6-7 pm Playgroups Infant Playgroup @ The Center Fridays, 9:30-11:30 am Parents with kids ages 0 - 2 meet every Friday from 9:30 – 11:30 am.  Need some adult conversation? Come join us!   Playgroup for 2 - 5 year olds, Fridays, 9:30 – 11:30 am This group is growing rapidly. Join other parents and kids every Friday in the auditorium at The Center. Enjoy arts & crafts and organized play. Bring your tricycle or big wheel and join the fun! Saturday, Feb. 4, 1-3 pm, North County Family (NCF) Playgroup This group focuses on children ages 0-8, but all ages are welcome. Older kids can help assist the little ones in art and play activities and are given a badge to wear that identifies them as helpers. This group meets in Carlsbad. Free to Be! Call for Date and Location This is a playgroup for gender-variant children up to age 12, which will allow them to be themselves in a friendly, supportive environment.  Friends, family and siblings are welcome.  For information and location, contact Marcie at sebastien844@yahoo.com or 619.239.7335. For more information on playgroups, contact Jane Schmoll at 619.692.2077 x121 or families@thecentersd.org. The Center is committed to a policy of non-discrimination in employment and in the provision of all services. The Center provides services without regard to race, ethnicity, color, gender, gender identity or expression, age, disability, religion, national origin, marital status, sexual orientation, ancestry, genetic characteristics, political belief or activity, status as a veteran, or any other characteristic protected by federal, state and local laws. Visit The Center's website at www.thecentersd.org.

Subject: [New post] Reactions of Others Part 4: F-f-f-fear

New post on Gender Blog by Darlene Tando, LCSW Reactions of Others Part 4: F-f-f-fear by Darlene Tando, LCSW Although I'm sure I'll blog plenty more about coming out and coping with responses, this is the final installment in my recent four-part series "Reactions of Others". In this blog I'm addressing the F word: Fear. Fear is often a huge component in the reactions of others. In fact, I'd be as bold to guess that when a transgender individual reveals his or her true gender identity and/or plans to transition, there are suddenly three participants in that conversation: the transgender individual, the loved one, and Fear. Of course, how much fear is present depends upon the nature of the relationship between the two people, how long they have known each other, and the world view of the loved one. Any type of change can trigger the fear reaction. Many people prefer things to remain just as they are; familiar, stable, predictable. Change that is unexpected and unwelcome can signal something that is out of one's control. I know many family members and friends feel out of control and powerless regarding this issue. Powerless to change it, powerless to fix it, sometimes powerless to understand.  Ultimately, many loved ones realize it is the decision of the transgender person to act on the transition even if they themselves don't understand or want it. Many loved ones fear they are "losing" someone they love very much, and may not recognize the person he or she becomes. Many fear the one they care about will regret such a significant, life-altering decision. Most, at some point, worry about the safety of their transgender loved one. In addition to these specific fears, having a close friend or family member come out as transgender questions the gender binary. Those who could previously organize gender into two neat little boxes can be thrown by the concept that gender can be fluid and dynamic. It can cause people to question core beliefs; something they always thought they understood. As you probably know, challenging core beliefs makes people uncomfortable. The less the person understands, the more fear will be present to take the place of knowledge and comprehension. Fear of the unknown is often NOT simply fear of the unknown, it's a fear of the "what if", or the "fill in the blank". The ideas and worst-case scenarios people create cause more fear than simply not knowing. Fear can whisper; fear can shout. Fear may be ever-present in the journey your loved ones take to acceptance, or it just may rear its ugly head every now and again. My hope is that when it does, recognize it for what it is. See the fear which may be disguised as anger, and masked in a lashing out you don't deserve. Understand and expect the fear, as fear was likely a part of YOUR journey, too. Let your loved one know you're in this together, the two of you. Eventually fear can be on its way. Darlene Tando, LCSW | January 25, 2012 at 7:00 pm | Tags: coming out, fear, transgender, transition | Categories: Uncategorized | URL: http://wp.me/p1AcSI-1i Comment    See all comments Trouble clicking? Copy and paste this URL into your browser: http://darlenetandogenderblog.wordpress.com/2012/01/25/reactions-of-others-part-4-f-f-f-fear/ Thanks for flying with WordPress.com

Fwd: Prop. 8 News: George Clooney, Appeals Court Timing & More

In This Issue:   Court of Appeals set to Rule on Prop. 8 The American Lawyer Honors AFER's Legal Team "8" across the Country George Clooney to Star in "8" West Coast Premiere Volunteer with AFER 2012 is off to a promising start with AFER's federal Prop. 8 challenge back on the fast track. The new year also marks the launch of our newest national program. In addition to its West Coast premiere starring George Clooney on March 3, AFER and Broadway Impact are bringing Dustin Lance Black's incredible new play "8" to communities across the country to spark understanding and action for marriage equality. Based on the actual transcripts of the historic Prop. 8 federal trial, "8" gives an intimate look at the legal and personal arguments for equality—and the baseless assertions used to justify discrimination. The play will continue to show Americans—one by one—that prejudice and fear cannot stand up to truth and justice.  Try as they might, the anti-marriage proponents of Proposition 8 cannot hide their discriminatory arguments from the American people. This is just the beginning of what we will accomplish this year. Please take a few moments to read the January update of our work here at AFER. Until every citizen can equally enjoy the freedom to marry, AFER will continue to fight in the courts of law and the court of public opinion—and we will win. Sincerely, Chad H. Griffin Board President American Foundation for Equal Rights ___________________________________________________________________ Court of Appeals set to Rule on Prop. 8 AFER's federal challenge to Prop. 8 is back on the fast track. The anti-marriage forces appealed the historic Federal District Court decision that overturned Prop. 8 and now the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals is expected to rule at any moment. Be the first to know. Get breaking updates from AFER, the sole sponsor of the federal challenge to Prop. 8. Sign up > Spread the word. Make sure your friends and family know what is happening with Prop. 8. ___________________________________________________________________ "Best of the Year"  The American Lawyer Honors AFER's Legal Team The lead attorneys and law firms representing the plaintiffs in Perry v. Brown, AFER's landmark federal lawsuit challenging California's Proposition 8, were awarded "Litigator of the Year" and "Litigation Department of the Year" by The American Lawyer. Read more >      ___________________________________________________________________ "8" across the Country With more locations being added each day, so far over 40 local colleges and community theaters across the nation will perform "8" this year to spur understanding, dialogue and action for marriage equality nationwide. The new play by Academy Award-winning screenwriter and AFER boardmember Dustin Lance Black is an unprecedented account of AFER's landmark challenge to Prop. 8 and is based on the actual court transcripts, media interviews, and first-hand observations. Read the Associated Press exclusive announcement > Check out the map of upcoming performances > If you are a college group or community theater, sign up to stage a reading > ___________________________________________________________________ George Clooney to Star in "8" West Coast Premiere Academy Award-winning actor George Clooney will star in the West Coast premiere of "8" on March 3. The one-night-only, all-star benefit reading at the historic Wilshire Ebell Theater in Los Angeles will raise critical funds for AFER's lawsuit challenging Prop. 8 and the effort to win full marriage equality for all. Be sure to follow "8" on Facebook and Twitter for more cast announcements this week. Read more > Event and ticket information > ___________________________________________________________________ Volunteer with AFER Lend a hand for marriage equality! AFER could use your help at special events in the Los Angeles and San Francisco areas. Sign up to volunteer > American Foundation for Equal Rights ©2011|  Stay Connected

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New Post by Darlene Tando Reactions of Others Part 3: Your Alignment; Their Transition

New post on Gender Blog by Darlene Tando, LCSW Reactions of Others Part 3: Your Alignment; Their Transition by Darlene Tando, LCSW I've talked a lot in this blog about the process of discovery transgender people go through and how there are often two major parts: realizing one is transgender (has the gender identity of something other than their sex at birth) and deciding what they are going to do about it, normally described as "transition".  For the sake of this specific blog's concept, I'll be describing the process a transgender person goes through as alignment and the process the loved ones go through as transition. If the transgender person chooses to go through the process of changing his or her gender, he or she is aligning himself or herself with their "real" gender. There are several definitions of align; the one I choose for this topic is "to move or be adjusted into proper relationship or orientation". It's critical people understand the choice to transition is a way of making things right, not deciding to change something that is already perfect. Deciding to align oneself is typically the result of many years of contemplation, possible ambivalence, agonizing, the weighing of options, and considering all outcomes.  Finally making the "big decision" can bring on feelings of relief, gratitude, and excitement, mainly because they have decided to ALIGN themselves, and that is a positive thing. Yet these feelings are not usually shared by the loved ones of the transgender individual. They are the ones who have to fully transition from an idea they have about who their loved one is to something different. Transition: "change or passage from one state or stage to another". When you reveal your gender identity and/or plans to align yourself, you are asking your loved one to adjust to the idea that you are about to change, when they like you just the way you are. ;)  (Additionally, the change loved ones anticipate tends to be more dramatic than what happens in reality, so there is fear involved here, too.)  They are often presented with years of your contemplation delivered in one single revelation; in a moment they are forced to adjust to an entirely different idea of you than they had in the moment before. Hundreds of things likely go through their heads in that moment; things that you have been contemplating for some time now. Whatever their initial reaction, remind yourself they are playing "catch up" and will likely need some time. Although all of you are involved in this big change, these two perspectives can make this experience very different for each of you. This depends on whether you are aligning yourself with something that feels better to you, or having to transition to an idea that feels altogether foreign. The Cold Lake Analogy Picture this: you want to go swimming in a very cold lake. You first stick your toe in, shiver a bit, but forge ahead. Slowly, inch by inch, you submerge your body in the lake. It's uncomfortable, but you're determined to take a swim. Once you have been treading water for about 5-10 minutes, the water seems to feel much warmer. Eventually it's hard to remember you thought the water was cold at all. You see your friend and yell, "Come on in, the water's fine!". He sticks his toe in. His response? "What, are you crazy?? It's FREEZING!".  Looking at you submerged in the water, smiling, your friend just can't understand what it is you are doing, or how it feels good to you. This tends to be the way a loved one looks upon the transition; by the time the transgender individual "comes out", he or she has been adjusting to the "water" for much longer. One thing to keep in mind from this analogy is that the water both people are feeling is the exact same water; the same temperature. The difference in their interpretations of the feeling of the water largely comes from how long each has been getting used to it. The positive spin on this is that given more time, the other person may be treading water before you know it. :) To the loved ones of transgender individuals: when your loved one reveals his or her plans to align themselves with their brain gender identity, please keep in mind he or she is revealing a way to make themselves right. They are not doing something to you, or trying to disrupt something you like just the way it is. They are trying to be whole; they are trying to be happy. To the transgender individuals, this is my gentle reminder that you are asking your loved ones to jump into a very cold lake! Be patient, be kind (to them and yourselves) and keep your eye on the prize… YOU, aligned. Darlene Tando, LCSW | January 16, 2012 at 3:38 pm | Tags: coming out, gender identity, reactions of others, responses to coming out as transgender, transgender, transition | Categories: Uncategorized | URL: http://wp.me/p1AcSI-1f Comment    See all comments Unsubscribe or change your email settings at Manage Subscriptions. Trouble clicking? Copy and paste this URL into your browser: http://darlenetandogenderblog.wordpress.com/2012/01/16/reactions-of-others-part-3-your-alignment-their-transition/ Thanks for flying with WordPress.com

: January PFLAG Newsletter

Our January PFLAG Newsletter is now online at: http://pflag.com/pdf/pf_news_current.pdf 

We hope you can join us for our San Diego General Meeting on Mon, Jan. 23 at 7:00 pm at the First
United Methodist Church, 2231 Camino del Rio South in Mission Valley. Our presentation is about the Stonewall Citizens' Patrol, a volunteer neighborhood watch patrol group which serves as extra eyes and ears for the San Diego Police Department in the areas of Hillcrest, North Park and University Heights. We will begin with our support groups, followed by our cookie social and then the presentation. See inside the newsletter for other support groups throughout the county.

If you have not already done so, please renew your membership for 2012 or join for the first time. Membership information and application is included in this newsletter. Applications are also available through our website: www.pflag.com or directly at: http://pflag.com/pdf/pf_memberapp.pdf